Desires

Desires are as true as existence
delirious, loony & moronic
submerged within intrinsic self
though conditions that lure 
are primarily external to being
challenge is to shield self 
from all that draws
from the cycles of boom & bust
unruffled & placid is the one 
who resists & refrains
to all that enthralls & intrigues
only a moment it takes
nevertheless, a lot of push
to be oblivious to conditions 
that tempt & then wreck
blissful is the self
who is agile to this fact
& more so pursues praxis
of being impervious 
to conditions beset

Reminiscences of you...

As I sit by the window,

Staring at the rain drops touching ground

I introspect and wonder,

Almost three decades that I have

Known you my dear father

No man has ever charmed me

The way you have…

It is said the main reason

Why a daughter needs a father

Is to show her that

Not all the men are like

The ones who hurt

Your courage, grace and wit

Has always been beyond praise!

Few old reminiscences that your pampered little princess shall recollect and always cherish…

When I was a little girl and you picked me up on getting back from work, swung me high in the air, my hands always reached out to your shirt pocket which had your wallet and then to your specs. Thus, leaving you in complete annoyance since these were two of your most treasured ‘objects’.

The most ghastly and scary event was my head injury at Bangalore, while you sprinted helplessly on the roads of an unknown city, with your arms smeared in blood and forehead with anxiety.

Then there was the ‘rickety rick’ which carried me to school, along with five other kids. How I hated being squeezed into the limited space ! So, I ‘purposefully’ delayed my breakfast, so that you could drop me on the scooter, on your way to work (which was on the opposite direction to my school). Like a little puppy I hugged you while we rode together in our fluorescent green scooter (well! The analogy was drawn by friends who saw us so)

Ah! Your choice of clothes and accessories..whenever you travelled to places (which you most often did), you ensured to get all three of us (maa, nani & me) gifts. And I eagerly looked forward to receiving the same.

The English Literature lessons, specifically poems…the words are still afresh in my mind (“Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will, to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield” – Ulysses, Tennyson) and many more.

I never asked for anything, since everything was offered, unasked. Never sensed the deprivation of not having something I desired, since it was fulfilled before I went on the mode of desiring. So, when we were at that shop in Delhi and you were buying my first ever mobile phone, I decided to settle down on a simple handset, while you kept insisting on the swanky ones.

Love struck, when I revealed my heart out to you, on a piece of paper, though scared, but confident of your (my) choice and then when you met him and said ‘He has all the qualities that a young man of his age should have’, you took my heart away. Somehow, I could sense the pain you were going through for letting go your little angel.

A year back, when I was bidding adieu during my ‘bidai’ and for the first time in life, I found you teary eyed, (I had missed nani’s bidai) it pained me, a LOT

These are only few, on the top of mind. While there have been instances when I have expressed my feelings, but like an iceberg, the most remains submerged, deep within.

Final Goodbye !

 

A lot of strength it takes
to bid goodbye to the one you love
emotions submerged
& the pain that you hold
deep within & all alone,
will certainly subside, my dear
as time flies, to show you a new dawn
a beautiful new beginning awaits there,
across the horizon,
beyond the darkness,
there is peace out there
with arms wide open,

awaiting to embrace you in tranquility,

all that was borne
was quintessential to existence
the joy that underlied ache

intensity & length of pain

is at times extrinsic,

but primarily self-inflicted

has to be borne to

chisel out the beautous

gem in you

patience, perseverance

& a bit of persistence

is all you need

to now evolve & emerge

as a brighter self!

 

Deviance

An element of attraction
encases deviance
way beyond conditions beset
by multitude of social constructs
that envelop our being

All that is under the wraps
is thus enticing & alluring
negative tends to be more appealing,
given the intoxication it delivers

Not 'straight-jacketed'
but 'curved' and 'twisted' lines
which are more catchy to catch
leaves one with the challenge 
of unraveling, all that is mystifying 

Hence, easily imaginable
might not incite to beings
who eye on yonder
fantasy it seems, to hunt further
for all that is unimaginable 
& does not restrict self to
all that is known to humbler beings

Hindsight encapsulates
while, unstoppable they are not,
the journey persists
with emotions varied

they move beyond & seek 

Find solace & delight in indulging with

something that is fresh and anew

something that was not experienced as yet

stagnancy is not the course of action

for hunters

Thus, with a constant quest of unknown

tend to oscillate somewhere in the space

& gradually leave behind ties

which were once carefully woven 

now, meaningless

The mystique of bygone

loses relevance, fails to charm

it is now a routine

& hence forfeits the sheen 

it once carted

 

Unspoken verses

Back then, on a chilly winter night,
when you penned some lines,
and shared with the happy chirpy girl
who, on reading, wept alone
as she resonated with the twinge
which had made you vent in a way
but then, keeping her emotions aside,
she sang these out to you,
did not reveal her tears,
rather smiles is what she sent out
she was the only one
you claimed to have connected with,
in this long wide world
she filled your life with joy
made you live to the fullest
understood you like no one else did
or, so you asserted
time has flown since then,
we have come a long way
but, regardless of distance,
despite all the differences,
feelings that had bind us,
shall remain eternal
so, lonesome you are not,
for this soul safely resides inside you, as ever
to guard against any foul
silence is of no good my dear,
rely on your soul as you may,
open up and utter all that you have to say

O little bird!

Happily chattering, chirping, sprightly,you entered our lives & amazed us with your beautiful silky shiny yellow crown. Not alone, but with your partner in crime, you woke us up every dawn...with your soothing melodies! You amused me in every possible way. But i stayed away, do you know why? Well, let me confess...the  little weak heart that i carry, loves unconditionally, but once close, cannot bear the ache of separation. No wonder, my sweet little thing, I wished to play with you, hold you, feed you. But, I did none...& kept a fair distance, lest I got close to you. I knew you would see one such fateful day, when you will be gone forever! 








 


 

Alter

Stagnancy is unknown to life form
a blissful day,
or an agonizing despair,
tragic incidences befall,
while there is culmination
of delightful moments
nevertheless,
none do stay
they evanish with time,
giving way to surmise,
of a minty dawn,
filled with hope & anticipation.
Staying on the course 
with a calm composure,
is indeed a challenge,
a modality of demeanor
is not what all can possess
hence, looking ahead,
with a sense of affirmation
is the most one can do

Revert

Little pearly briny drops
escaped her large dark eyes,
flowing down her tender cheeks
those eyes, had gleamed bright
with happiness & eagerness
& danced with joy, 
while cheeks had blushed with coy
thus, brightening up even on a woeful day
those dark-buttons, the baby pink face
told a timeless story of love & faith
all at once!
Now, dampening not just her eyes & face,
but the sense of her being
screamed at her, on her vulnerability
forbided her,
to trust not that was trustworthy
but, yet again she enjoins,
all that was envisioned
did ever exist
or was just a formless illusion
if it was,
in innocence all that was lost,
has to be fetched again,
the void that has been created,
will have to be filled with
the abundance of love, yet again
while she ponders,
the dewdrops have evaporated
& the face lightened up,
envisaging a sunny day ahead,
she sets off on yet another journey of joy