Muddled with multiple challenges
in life, I was feeling somewhat lost and seeking the essence of my existence. While
contesting with my inner demons (some of those which were also influenced by
extrinsic forces), I had begun to gather that it was a futile war, leading to self-defeat.
Life seemed bleak and stared at me with a big question mark! A personal loss
was taking a huge toll on me. I seemed to have frozen in time, immovable and
fixated in past. While time fled in sprinting speed, I stay put, feeling even
worse, day by day. Extremely low in self-esteem, it seemed that something had
stripped off the confidence from this otherwise bubbly, happy-go-lucky girl.
Trust was broken and faith was shaken. Thanks to this loved one who was
idolized in yester-years. While I was engulfed amidst these thoughts and found
myself trapped on a mud-land, filled with remorse and immense pain, I stumbled
upon this supremely powerful practice.
The rather ‘morbid’ prelude was
essential to set the theme right and acknowledge that how the beautiful
philosophy of ‘Turning poison into
medicine’ has begun to show it’s impact on my self-transformation. How with
it’s magical wand, seems to be healing the broken chords of my inner self. Let
me admit, when I was acquainted with the practice, a few years back, I was
shrouded with a lot of doubt; few being, ”How
can chanting something in Japanese” (a language I am unfamiliar with, help
strengthen me and bring inner peace?”, “Oh! These letters in Ghonyo book are
dancing, just like few letters did for the child suffering from dyslexia in
‘Taare Zameen par’”, “What’s the big deal about Sokka Gakkai, doesn’t it preach
on the same lines as other philosophies do?”, “Sharing profound thoughts and
experiences with absolute strangers? But, why?”, “What am I missing out, while
belonging to a different ‘religion’?”, “Do I need to get into all this, at this
young age (now, assuming that I am young J)”,
“I have always contested religion or anything attached to it…how will I ‘deal
with this?!”,”Will it mean ‘partly renouncing the little joys I seek in
indulging in drinks/ partying et al?”,”OMG !where precisely am I headed to?”
While all these questions and many more crossed my mind, I wasted 4 years. And then suddenly, after a long time, when I found myself in a shoddy state, lo & behold ! I stumbled upon it yet again. As if something out there had conspired me to witness this again…this time more closely. Someone out there perhaps wanted me to come out of the rather ‘muddy’ state and bloom beautifully (A close resonance with how the lotus blooms in mud? I know. I thought exactly). I continued to chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, all by myself, somewhat mechanically, for about 6 months (and of course with a lot of irregularity). This was just to divert my mind from ‘negative thoughts’. I was losing faith by each passing day because ‘my external situation’, which I had envisaged to change, was far from getting better.
That was the phase when I started
searching online and came across it’s literal meaning; “I devote myself to the mystic law of cause and effect”. Somehow
this struck a chord and I spared a thought on it. So, I realized, it was
worthwhile to surrender myself to all that was happening (considering that I
had least control on cause and effect) and consoled my inner self to stay calm,
regardless of the situation. Instead of relying on someone else, I was
comforting myself. This was my first encounter with the wisdom of this way of
life. In short, without realizing, it had touched my conscience and brought
about the ‘clarity’ within myself. As I munched on it furthermore, I felt that by
vocalizing and thereby engaging all senses in devotion, is an ideal form of
meditation. It brings alive the purpose of imbibing courage and confidence. I
further realized that chanting these lines were equated with the roar of a
lion, thus symbolizing, a lot of vigour and vitality ! Thus, we emerge, arise
and awaken when chant with a lot of conviction and love for it.
Some of the questions that I had
were automatically being answered by MYSELF. Such was the impact of chanting ! This
was quite empowering. Admitting that little knowledge is a dangerous thing, I
was inquisitive to know more about this philosophy. I got ‘formally initiated/shakkubuked’,
3 months back. And a few weeks later, I was introduced to the local district.
Till date I have attended a few study and chanting sessions, including one
Zadenkai. Let me confess, each meeting has left an intense impact on me.
Strangest of all being, that each member, seemed very familiar, as if a bond of
past has tied us all together. This awe got clarified (and further
strengthened), in one of the study sessions, when it was proclaimed that, “It is not a miracle that we all members are
here today, together…a bond of past has drawn us closer. We were closely
related to this philosophy even then. The Lotus Sutra affirms that all people,
regardless of gender, capacity or social standing, inherently possess the
qualities of a Buddha, and are therefore equally worthy of the utmost respect.
We all can attain Buddhahood (a condition of absolute happiness, freedom from
fear and from all illusions)”. Of what I otherwise know of Buddhism is that
it has a deep belief in reincarnation. Some things were getting clarified àWhy the faces seemed
familiar, why the rhythmic tonality of the ‘relatively foreign’ verses calmed
the soul. Thus, it tied all the loose ends and many questions were answered in
that one instance. I walked away, smiling, feeling good that I was introduced
to this philosophy, not now, but in past lives as well. Thus, it heightened my conviction
in the practice.
Some extracts from Value Creation that have impacted me :
ü Victory has seeds of defeat in it and
vice-versa. Stay calm and tread ahead: How true ! Don’t we get carried
away by success? Arrogance seeps in at times and we tend to neglect/ disregard
someone else? Or on the contrary, we feel lost and frustrated when confronted with
‘bad’ time. Lotus Sutra explains àWhen
change is the only permanent truth and transiency is expected, why get carried
away by any situation? Rather a calm composure could help in staying ‘HAPPY’ in
any given circumstance. Bang on ! So, ‘In pursuit of happiness’, it is ! J
ü Complete dedication to victory enables
one to summon forth all kinds of ingenuity and creativity. When one is
determined, the spring of wisdom will never dry up: So, my victory is
determined by my commitment towards it. After all, I am the sole force
responsible for my actions and outputs (read: cause and effect?). Amen ! Let
the wisdom grow and bloom further, let my willpower increase by leaps and
bounds, while I outshine
ü When roots are deep, leaves shalt not
wither: What a beautiful thought ! Scientific with meters of symbolism
woven into it.
So, the three pillars (FAITH,
STUDY, PRACTICE), when intertwined together, have the capacity to create magic
! I now find myself more calm, sorted and filled with positive energy. I can
gauge that I have become more decisive now. The lens of looking within has
deepened and perceiving outside has widened. Three months into the practice and
such is the impact. Wonder what lies ahead….
The explorer in me seeks a lot of questions, the course and intensity of which, keep altering with time and events. Sometimes I question my questions as well. Confused? Yes ! I am. However, I am gradually learning to, “Question to learn and know; not to doubt”
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