Real realized!

She parked herself by the sea, her feet buried in sand. Exhausted, as they were, by sprinting on the beach, now needed a breather. Little jewels had just popped up in the horizon, as she gazed at them with an absolute awe. Some forming impressions, while others distant to each other. The fresh breeze that touched her cheeks, filled her senses with joy and made her introspect about life in general. Her memories took her to the years spent by. Her joyous self found in absolute delight of embracing the one she loved, the one who was so  dear to her soul. Hands clenched, lips locked, hearts pounded, those sweet somethings whispered, she found herself in trance! It was no less than meditation...peace attained! Promises there were none, a mere mutual understanding & trust had bind them together. Beyond reach, beyond axiom of reality. Reality was it...or just a dream? She woke up and found herself desolated...no waves, no sky, no hands to hold on, no arms to embrace...her awakening self told her all was lost while she was in a deep slumber...or was there anything to be lost at all? Reality realized - dream it was!

Forever...is Never!

But dear,
That's hoping against hope..
Nothing remains 'forever'
The 'sage' or 'angel' you are counting upon
Would leave you all alone,
The time you would need them the most,
They would be lost..
You will lament & cry,
Then the tears would dry..
They would leave once their purpose is done.

My words might seem to you like poison

Strangely though, these have been 'poisoned'

By none other than the 'sage' themselves

So, take charge of yourself,

Before they take charge of you & your soul!

Long back, I was this bubbly, chirpy

Happy sweet little soul..

Or that's the way I was defined...

Then there was time & space

When I called for help & needed my angel,

They buttoned-up, were speechless & numb...

Shocked & shaken as I was

Became bitter & acerbic
Not by choice, but by conditions entrusted upon, Alas!

'Sagarious sayings' are not always right,
So, believe in self as you might!

Memoirs!

Time sweeps by, memories stay,

sweet, sour, bitter whatever they may!
Don't cling on to past, people say

but why not, if it makes us happy & gay?

We preserve what is close to heart,

and all that is crucial as a life part!

And others too - reminiscences that please,

also those that tend to seize!

Freedom or Loneliness?

Imprisoned I am not...
Forlorn I am not...

Free as a bird I hover in the sky,
A sense of liberty enveloping in my sense of being
As I choose to take the flight all alone,
 I leave below a world - beautiful, yet sullen

Up there, yes, I am all alone,
But, I am closest to my soul
Hence, loneliness is a blessing in disguise,

Whether chosen or entrusted upon,

For, its an absolute joy to meet my new self,

as I realize..

To know my whites & blacks & greys,
Is a discovery in itself!
An opportune moment, I would say
Since all that was buried within for ages,

All that was ceased for years,

Would now unravel...

Its an awakening in itself...

So, let me not wonder, but yonder...
Let me wander, not render...

Retrieve

The free-spirited bird in me awakens
To stand strong with test of time
An all-encompassing epitome
Of selfless love & devotion
Emotions varied,
And all that I have,
Has, with time, been carried
Partly exposed, rest buried
However, celebrate as I must
For my state of being should not rust!

Fall as I may, rise as I need to
Spread my wings, look up to the sky
Then, take flight
Reach out to the space above
Hovering around, all alone
And then, on looking below,
I realize the world is chaotic
Though beautiful, yet challenging
Cannot make up my mind
Shall I stay up here, all by myself
Or get back & mingle with the world

Deep in thought, I lose balance
Descend downwards, with full force
Nosedive on frigid earth
Who to hold on to?
Who to fall back on?
There is none..
While I took flight, all was gone
Lonesome, as I am again,
Set to hunt for, all  that was lost

Floating with Time's tide

I introspect & wonder..
Regrets..if i have none..
Bitterness..if it is gone..
Why do I long...for all that is lost?

Are these devilish attacks of mind?
Or agony of my soul?
Where did I falter, where did I fall?
And If one has to move with time's tide,
Why this darkness...why this night?!

Mourning comes naturally
The deep-seated agony...
And the ever-lasting memories
Find a space in heart & mind
No matter how much I strive
All that remains refuse to vanish!

Alrite! then I console myself..
Rely not on someone else for happiness
For its all within self, though we know this less
Perhaps a bit of curve on my face
Could lead me to where pain has no trace...

The Void That Smiles

Illusion and duality of existence persisted till you commanded

And to acknowledge what is ‘real’ is now coerced

If ‘real’ is what I must ensue

What, How & Why I reflect

But now that I have none to heed my call

I ask myself - what is inferred from the pain I endure?

Or is it empathized and sensed at all?

If not, why I ask & how I wonder!

For the soul endears, feels and comforts

For that’s how it has been responding all this while

Why is it now buttoned-up, speechless and numb?

The bitterness is an aftermath of all that was experienced

The foul words that were uttered

Is nothing but a sequel of;

Rejection, avoidance, arrogance, egotism & selfish intentions

How then, the ache of the significant other resonated and attended to?

Its acerbic boldness borne?

Resultantly, comforted, eased off with a smirk?

A helping shoulder lent & tears wiped off?

Does the new-fangled thrill envelops to a magnitude

That the longstanding alliance fails to charm?

Love not understood is critiqued

Patience not possessed is remarked

Insanity of mind & soreness of heart ridiculed

So, then I probe…the loneliness that was swallowed,

How else would have the soul responded?

Love as I understand is purest of emotions

Now, it has become a teaser

Chuckles at me and asserts –

Ever mystifying I am!

Not timeless but momentary I am!

Not pious but conditioned I am!

I attract, then detract…at my own free-will

I space out when there is space

I boggle your mind, I offend your heart

I become your part & then I depart

None knows me well…for I do not know self!

If only parting was mutual

If only it did not make the heart sore

If only all that lied ahead was anticipated,

No questions would have been asked

No answers would have been sought

For all that was understood

For all that was fought for

Is all that is lost…forever!

And all that remains is a void soul within…

It cries and laments inside

However, braces up to the world with a smile

After all, it’s socially conditioned to enact in a way

That it is acceptable & revered

Respected & honored..